


Drag Me Down

by Starisia



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-19
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-12-30 07:05:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1015616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starisia/pseuds/Starisia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I know that while he's by my side I'll be able to fight to somehow pull away from the undertow that constantly threatens to drag me into darkness but I don't want him to stay by my side just because of that...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drag Me Down

I stare up at the storming sky as lightning flashes and the rain pours down, soaking my navy locks as they fall around my shoulders, the perfect imitation of a silken waterfall.

The rain slowly washes away the blood, grit, and grime that is caked on my face and bare chest, my exorcist jacket having long since been torn to tatters by Akuma and Noah.

"Yuu?"

I look over my shoulder and a smirk comes acrossmy features, but I allow a small bit of warmth enter my normally cold cobalt eyes as they meet brilliant silver.

A small smile comes to his lips as I take a step toward him, and the next thing I know his thin arms are wrapped around my neck, pulling me close. I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him flush against my bare chest. I can feel him shivering from the cold and hold him tighter, rubbing his back with one hand as his teeth start to chatter, sharing my warmth with my beloved Moyashi.

"What are you doing out here?" I growl in frustration.

"Y-you hadn't re-t-turned ye-yet," he managed to stutter out through chattering teeth, "I was st-starting to wo-worry."

"Che, Baka Moyashi," I grumble, letting annoyance show in my tone, "I'm fine, idiot. You're gonna get sick if you keep this up."

He doesn't say a word, only moves closer to me, curling into my warmth.

I growl in irritation, wrap one arm around his shoulders and lean down, knocking his legs out from under him, and lifting him into my arms.

I smirk as a small yelp escapes his throat and he wraps his arms around my neck on instinct.

The rain continues to pour down on us as I start walking back toward our hotel, my Moyashi held securely in my arms. I assume he sensed the Akuma and got worried when they were gone and I had yet to return, but that didn't mean he had to come looking for me.

By the time I reach the hotel where I had told him to stay, he's shivering more than ever and his teeth are clattering uncontrollably.

The usagi looks up as I enter, the idiotic grin he always wears morphing into a serious gaze when his eyes land on the shivering exorcist in my arms.

"Do you want my help?" he asks seriously.

I just shake my head and head for the separate room where the Moyashi and I had been sleeping for the past four days. This is the third time something like this has happened over the past few weeks. I know what to do by now, so I don't need him to tell me again.

I quickly remove his soaked clothes, helping him into something dry and warm and covering him with the thick blanket on the bed before changing my own and curling in next to him. I bite back a hiss as he curls against my chest, still shivering, teeth still chattering and I wrap my arms around him. His skin is like ice against my bare chest as he burrows into me, trying to get as close to my warmth as he can, but that's not what makes me bite back a growl of anger and frustration _._ No, it's what else I can feel that makes me want to draw my blade and kill someone.

I would too, if not for the fact that my Allen needs me right now.

Where my arms are wrapped around him, holding him close, I can feel his bones beneath that ivory skin.

I look down at him as the shivering lessens and his teeth stop their chattering. His breathing is steady and his skin is no longer like ice to the touch. I let out a small sigh of relief, knowing he is safe - for now - before I pull back slightly, ignoring the whimper of protest that leaves his slightly parted lips as my warmth deserts him, and my gaze flickers over him, taking in every detail I can.

Another growl rumbles in my throat and this time I let it be heard.

There was once a time when my Allen could stand strong against the elements, could fight without fear and stand against our enemies with unshaken confidence, but that was  _before_.

Before the Ark, before the 14th, before Leverrier, before this entire fucked up mess even began.

He'd been strong,hada slight build, but a toned body one hadn't expected of him, one that only I was allowed to see and mark. His white hair had been brilliant, shining like a halo in the starlight along with luminescent alabaster skin, and his eyes had held an unrestrained fire that had always seemed out of place in those deceptively innocent pools of liquid silver.

But all that's changed now, and I'm worried that it'll remain this way for some time to come.

He's still strong, but his strength has dwindled from what it once was to the point where I fear for his life in battle, even when it's against the weakest of akuma. His body has lost most of the muscle that it once maintained with rigorous training and constant fighting, leaving him vulnerable to the unforgiving cold of the harsh winter air. It had slowly been eaten away by stress and sleepless nights until his bones were visible beneath pale skin.

His hair is dimmer than it once was, almost gray instead of striking white, and while fire still burns deep within those eyes, it's dim. A flickering flame where there had once been a roaring pyre. Not only have his flames dimmed, but dark circles surround those eyes I've come to love so much. His cheeks are sunken, almost hollowed by the way his body has been attacking itself.  
I wonder if anyone else notices the way his appetite has lessened, how he's been eating less than half of what he usually would. It's still an enormous amount, so I doubt it.

I know why he's like this now, a malnourished shadow of the boy I love. I know why he continues to hide it from the rest of the world, and why he tries to hide it from me.

And I know that if he stays like this, I won't have my Moyashi much longer.

**S2~S2~(Allen's POV)~S2~S2**

The relief I feel when I first see him outweighs any trepidation I had when I set out in search of my love, and the look in his eyes is enough to make me temporarily forget the harsh cold and sheeting rain that has already soaked me through.

I can't help it when I rush forward and wrap my arms around his neck, tears coming to my eyes that remain hidden thanks to the rain that pours around us.

I can hear the anger and concern in his voice as he pulls me closer to his warm chest, and I'm reminded of the icy chill in the air and my soaking clothes and hair, plastering them both to my body.

I can tell he's just upset that I came out after him in this frigid weather whilein my current condition, but I was worried that something had happened to him. I try to explain, but my teeth are starting to chatter, the cold I had been able to ignore while frantically searching for my lover finally hitting me full force, seeping into me and sapping me of what little warmth that remained in my small frame.

I yelp as I feel myself being lifted and wrap my arms around my lover's neck, curling into his warmth. I don't know how he can remain so warm in this weather, but I don't complain. I'm too cold and much too grateful for it.

Before I know it, I'm separated from that wonderful warmth. My eyes snap open as I feel someone tugging at my soaked clothes and I relax after meeting Kanda's warning glare. I wonder vaguely how we got back to the hotel so quickly, but gladly let the thought slip from my mind when my soaked clothes are replaced with something dry.

It's not long before I'm curled under the blankets, my back against his broad chest, his arms wrapped securely around my waist.

Slowly but surely, the cold begins to retreat from my body, my teeth stop their insistent chattering and I'm finally able to relax into my lover's warm embrace.

I hear him growl, but pay him no heed. I already know why.

I fight to keep my breathing steady and expression somewhat peaceful, pretending to sleep while I feel his gaze travel over my body. I fight the urge to wince when I feel one sword calloused hand travel down my side, over where my ribs are slowly becoming visible - reminding me just how skinny I've become - before it comes to rest at my hip. I feel him press a small, feather light kiss to my forehead. I feel his hair fall around me, the silky strands tickling me where they brush my bare chest, shoulders, and neck, before he pulls the blanket up higher around us and pulls me closer.

"Baka Moyashi," He whispers and I have to bite my tongue to keep from snapping at him as a small shiver of pleasure runs down my spine from where his breath ghosts over my neck, "Why the fuck are you doing this to yourself?"

I let out a deep breath, as close to a sigh as I can get without alerting him to the fact that I'm awake. I smile slightly as I feel him burry his face in the crook of my neck, and his breathing begins to even out.

When I know he's asleep, and I no longer have to worry about his questions, I open my eyes. I know what he meant; no matter how much I wish I didn't, I can't deny the truth.

I want to deny it though, I want the false smiles and cheerful façade to be real - or at least as real as they used to be, before the ark and the 14th, before Alma and Leverrier, before this all spiraled out of my control. I know it was fake, even back then, but at least back then there was no 14th, no director breathing down my neck, just waiting for me to mess up so they could lock me away.

Back then it had been simple, my left hand was for the akuma and my right hand was for humanity, two burdens that I had chosen to take on of my own will.

Not anymore.

Now it feels like I'm submerged deep within an abyss of pain and a waterfall keeps pushing me down, deeper and deeper into the wells of sorrow and pain I know lurk in the darkness of my soul's depths, where I know the Noah awaits my eventual collapse, and I'm powerless to escape, already trapped in the downward current.

I honestly believe that the only reason I've held out this long is because of the warm arms that wrap around my waist, pulling me back to the surface every time I start to lose my internal battle with the 14th. The thought brings a smile to my lips as I curl closer to that warm chest.

I feel a growl rumble in his chest and he tightens his iron-like hold on my waist possessively, anda hum of contentment escapes my throat. I couldn't have lasted this long without Kanda, but I don't think he knows that - I don't want him to know that.

I know that my health has already deteriorated, that I'm barely hanging on enough to keep fighting as an exorcist, and I don't want to become his burden.

I know that while he's by my side I'll be able to fight, to somehow pull away from the undertow that constantly threatens to drag me into darkness, but I don't want him to stay beside me because of that, because he's the only one who can help me fight.

I want him to stay beside me because he wants to, because he loves me, not because I'm a burden he feels ishis mission to carry.

Besides, I know that if I become his burden, he'll also be weighed down by the ones I carry, forced down by the never ending flow that forces me back into the undertow, allowing the darkness to swallow up my only source of light.

I can't - I  _won't_  allow that to happen, no matter what happens to me, I won't bring Kanda down too, but, if I know him, he'll come along just to spite me.

A small smile comes to my lips again, but this time it's amused as my eyes drift closed.

My Yuu is just too stubborn sometimes.

I guess that's just one of the many things I love about him.

**S2~S2~(Kanda's POV, Two Years Later)~S2~S2**

I sigh heavily as I sit up in bed, the image of that blood stained battlefield still engraved in my memory alongside that blood soaked white hair and those slowly dimming eyes.

The war is over, long since won by the Order but I still can't help but wonder if the price was too high.

Che, who was a kidding?

There was no such thing as a war without casualties, no matter how much one wished there was.

It also didn't matter how many lives were lost, there was always going to be one that tore at a person's heart more than any other, no matter how cold and guarded that heart might be, there was always one person who could chip away at that icy barrier and create a place for themselves within that otherwise untouchable heart.

That's exactly what my Moyashi had done.

The image of his snowy locks dyed crimson as blood poured from a gagged wound that just wouldn't stop bleeding, the way the light slowly deserted his glorious silver eyes, leaving them a dull slate gray that makes my heart clench just thinking about it.

I'd known going into battle that my Moyashi wouldn't make it out, not with the way his health had deteriorated to almost nothing, not with the way he struggled to even stay standing. I knew that that would be our final kiss, our final embrace before the battle even began.

I knew during the battle that the only thing that kept his body moving was his Innocence.

I'd known when I first saw all that blood staining the ground and his snowy locks that I'd lost him for good.

I never thought I'd be so happy to be wrong in my  _life_.

I look to the side where my Moyashi lay still curled against my chest, and allow a small smile to come to my lips as I take in the sight. The morning sun that comes in from the open window dances off his snow colored hair, setting it alight with pale flame as it hung in his closed eyes. His skin is a radiant alabaster, pale but no longer sickly like it had once been. The dark circles are gone from his eyes and his cheeks are no longer sunken and hollow.

I allow an appreciative purr escape my throat as my gaze wanders lower, running over the lines of his well-toned chest where the muscle had finally returned after being no more than skin and bones for too long.

His health had begun to return soon after the final battle; slowly at first, but then got to the point where near imperceptible differences that I wasn't sure I was really seeing changed to marked improvements that were impossible not to notice on a daily basis.

After his health returned to where his life was no longer in jeopardy, Central had attempted to execute him, saying that the last of the Noah had to be destroyed, but we'd discovered that the Noah that resided within him was gone-I refuse to think about how we'd figured it out and how we'd tested the theory-and he'd been reclassified as an exorcist.

Komui had come to the conclusion that, despite the fact that Neah was a Noah, he was still Mana's brother and Allen was still his nephew. He believed that the 14th had known there was no way for Allen's body to recover from the injuries on its own, so he'd used his power to save my Moyashi, costing himself what little existence he had left.

I didn't know if he was right or not, but if he was, I owe that damn Noah more than I'd like.

Almost a year after the final battle, my Allen was back to the way he'd been before the entire mess began, much to my relief - though I'll never admit it aloud.

"Moyashi," I whisper, leaning over him and placing a chaste kiss on his ear, "Time to get up."

He mumbles something unintelligible, though it sounds like 'Too early, Ba-Kanda.'

I smirk, moving to kiss his jaw, earning a small hum of satisfaction, before I pull back, separating myself from him completely.

"Kanda," he whines, reaching blindly for me with his eyes still closed, but I've already gotten out of bed and am on the other side of the room, "it's cold."

I sigh and return to lying beside him. A small smile comes to his rose petal pink lips as I wrap one arm around his shoulders and he curls into my bare chest.

"It really is time to wake up, Moyashi."

"Am awake. Jus' don' wanna get up yet," he mumbles.

I smirk and wrap my arms around his waist, holding him closer. Even if I'll never admit it aloud, I really do like it when I can hold him like this. It reminds me that that battle had happened, but I didn't really lose him like I thought I had.

I still have my Moyashi and nothing makes me happier than knowing I do, except for the fact that I never have to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! ^_^  
> ❤ Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated ❤  
> Tumblr: Starisia.tumblr.com


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